Sunday, February 21, 2010

Better Days

Today I got more accomplished. I got up and showered, though not until 2 in the afternoon. I did some laundry and a bit of cleaning. Not enough to make the house presentable, but enough so that I can function a tiny bit better. I made pumpkin muffins. Sad thing is that I have an amazing recipe that a friend gave me, but it was too much effort so I made the muffins from a mix. It was okay, my kids were happy to have something. I even made spaghetti for dinner. Better than I did yesterday.

I've been fighting the devils of revisited history. My mind often goes back into my past and sometimes I get visits from the Ghost of Every Stupid Thing I've Ever Done. Other times it is the Ghost of Every Time I Was Ever Left Out. This ghost like to go back really far, frequently visiting high school. High School was nearly 30 years ago, it is time to be way over anything that happened in those days. For Heaven's sake, I have a son in High School! In part I blame Facebook for this Ghost because I'm finding so many people from High School and before.

I let my youngest daughter watch Netflix movies on my laptop for many hours so I was unable to waste as much time on it today. I'm not sure if that was part of the reason I got more done today or if it was simply because I was so tired of just sitting.

My best friend is selling her house and she had a packing party at her house today. I begged off, knowing that my energy wasn't up to the task. I felt guilty, and I hope she understood. Tomorrow I'm supposed to go with her to look at homes and I'm hoping I'll get up and moving early enough. I don't want to keep letting her down.

I'm doubling the prescription of antidepressants that my doctor gave to me. I'm hoping that I'll get better results in a week or so. Please Lord, I need to dig out of this pit because I can't keep living like this.

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