Genetics

My middle child is the most like me and often it is the things that I hate most about myself that I see in her. She has a keen sense of humor, is loyal to her friends, and very loving. She also has very mercurial mood swings. I've long noticed that she is not her best in the winter time, usually starting out the school year okay, then going downhill from there. She recovers some in the spring, but her grades can never recover from the steep downward slope in the winter. For many years I've said that she'd do fine in school if school went from March to November.

Just recently it occurred to me that since I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, maybe she does as well? Could an anti-depressant be all she needs to get through the winter with her schoolwork intact? I think it may be something to pursue. I hate the idea of making her take medication, especially medication that may effect her brain development in yet unknown ways. On the other hand I know that soon she'll be in high school where all of her decisions will effect the rest of her life. If she thinks of herself as a failure now, it may become a self fulfilling prophecy.

The sun is shining

There is sun outside! In the Pacific Northwest this is a news bulletin. I think the sun is helping me dig my way out of the pit. Of course the longer days and antidepressants help too. Over the last two weeks I've been up and down a lot. Some days are great, I get a lot accomplished and feel better because of that. Others...not so much. I can't get over the feeling that every time I get something done (I cleaned part of the garage! I did inventory for work! I did a load of laundry!) I want a pat on the back and an "atta girl!" Do we ever outgrow our need for someone's approval?

There are still down days. On Wednesday I was so tired that I was afraid I'd fall asleep while I was driving. I had several things to do that day and I couldn't nap, which was probably a good thing, but it was still hard to get through the day. I felt like I was back in the fog. I'm tired of this back and forth, of taking inventory each morning: how do I feel? Is this a good day or bad day? Will I be able to get everything done that I need to do?

On my best days I often wonder if that is how normal people feel most days. On those days I can wake up and get everything done I need to get done. I can work AND keep the house clean. I can do several loads of laundry, a load of dishes, sweep the floor AND cook dinner AFTER working all day. Don't most people manage to do all of that? Why can I only manage that on some days, and not enough to function well?

The sun is shining and I need to make sure I go out and enjoy it. I need all the sun I can get.